Heartache of a Day

I got up this morning knowing in my heart that today was the day to put Misty to sleep. I called the vet and they gave me a 1:30pm appointment. So Misty went to my Al-Anon meeting with us and then we collected Mason from school and headed to the vet. Talan and Mason both got a chance to hold Misty one more time. After the Dr. gave her the sedative they got to hold her again. Mason kept crying and saying he'd miss her. Talan pointed to himself and said "me too". Thank goodness there were tissues well stocked in the room. Both boys watched as the Dr. gave her the barbiturate that ended her life. Talan was gracious enough to lend Misty his favorite blue blanket to use for this last day. They wanted to know how she was going to get to Heaven and see Grandma Susie and Guiness. I explained that her body would stay here but her spirit was already drifting up to Heaven as we speak. That seemed to suffice. Mason then said "Mommy, you know what would make me feel better?" and I asked him what thinking he was going to say donuts or ice cream but he said "McDonalds". So we went to McDonalds and had ice creams and a happy meal which came with two toys. The boys played for an hour and then we went home. I feel emotionally exhausted and drained from all the crying. It feels so strange to not have a pet anymore. I have had cats since 1996. Mason asked on the way home if we were going to get another pet. He though a baby chick might be a good pet for us. :) I told him I think we shall wait awhile. I need to mourn. Misty will always hold a very special place in my heart and I know I did the right thing today. Wow, death is really tough. I just want to shut down, eat junk and isolate. Not very good coping skills. I dragged the whole family into bed to watch an episode of LOST. Both boys feel asleep (it was nap time) and when it was over I felt momentary relief. But then I thought about Misty again and a wave of heartache rolled over me again. Just for today I can make it. Time will heal all wounds. I know this to be true. I just need to accept that today it just feels particularly raw.