Insomniac reflections on my kids and life

I can't sleep. I woke up to Mason being in my bed, on Joe's side. I told him "no" firmly but without anger. He tried to protest but left and went back to his own bedroom. This is night number two sleeping in his own bed. Both nights have had issues but I feel good knowing we are getting back on track.

I shared at my meeting today how angry I had been at the kids this weekend, feeling like they were so unmanagable. Then it donned on me, my higher power?, that I had horrible boundaries with them. So I went to work limiting their sugar and having them sleep in their own beds/rooms. Wow. What a difference it has already made in terms of just me feeling like my life is manageable again.

I was letting them run amok trying to get some homework done. My class has a never ending supply of lab work and challenging material to learn. However, I reminded myself, I was the one who made the decision to go back to school, not the kids. I was the one who said I will deal with whaever challenges present themselves. The kids didn't say "hey mom its ok to go back to school". They are two and four. They want their stay-at-home mommy. So, I have to deal with things better. Find balance. Learn how to juggle it all. I have only been back to school for three weeks so I need to allow myself so room to flounder, to figure out what will work and what won't. I realize that I can get small bits of homework done here and there. Not a lot at any one time. Nap times are a great opportunity to get maybe an hour solid. Sometimes I want to nap too and that is ok but I am making a choice. So, I am holding myself accountable and not being a victim. I am staying in the solution or at least trying to, all stuff Al-Anon has taught me.

I am so glad I signed up for a 5K this Sunday. It has kept me motivated to go to the gym regularly, which was my hope. Today I got so caught up in a Janet Jackson special on the gyms TV that I ran 2.3 miles. I ran for 31 minutes which is my longest yet. I was so proud of myself. I also did 5 minutes of really tough stuff on the step machine and my full floor routine (abs and arms). I felt great.

After the gym I spontaneously I treated myself to a quick visit to Shabby to Chic to see Sandy and her new store. New to me, she moved it three years ago but I haven't been since I have moved back. I love Sandy. She is so awesome. She made me a wonderful coffee and BT got a vanilla milk which he asked for more. :) Her shop is so cute and I just loved the energy there. I'd love to go back without the kids in tow so that I can really enjoy it. I saw some of Val's artwork and I saw Lori's mom's vintage dresses for sale there. It made me think that it is so great knowing so many wonderful women in this town.

Misty loves it when I have insomnia as she gets my attention and there are no kids. She is on my lap purring away as I write this. It is a bit hard to write with her on my left arm but I know how rare it is for her to get alone time with me that I tolerate it just fine. Of course, I feel my nose getting drippy as I am so allergic to her and her hair is settling all over me and the key board. She is a miracle hair producer. She loses so much daily and yet you never see any new or short hairs. She has the thickest coat ever. Now why can't scientists figure out how Misty does this and apply the science to bald heads? And yet we can send a man to the moon. Amazing.

The boys keep signing Daddy. I told them tonight three more days. Mason broke down in tears. I forget that they can't conceptualize three days. That means nothing to him. All he knows is that Daddy is not here right now. He keeps saying he wants to stay up late (which he does with Joe) and I tell him its dark outside and it is time for bed (not very compassionate sounding is it?). Our habits, all of us, are very different when Joe is here. In a lot of ways, I run a much tighter ship particularly around bedtime and teeth brushing etc. On the other hand, we all eat so much healthier when Joe is here. Tonight I made hamburger patties with cheese and a salad. That is a good attempt for me. Last night they had french toast for dinner. I know how to make about four things. Two of them are breakfast items!

OK I am going to try to go back to sleep. I have my pig heart dissection later today. I am a bit grossed out by it but also really excited. I have to learn all the layers, strutures, functions and dissect it properly to earn 7 points. I don't know what 7 points means in the scheme of things for this class but it doesn't sound like much for all that work. But, the great thing is that as a student this time round I don't care about the points and the grades I just want to learn the material. Wow. What a difference from when I was at Berkeley. At Berkeley I just wanted to maintain my awesome GPA. The material wasn't as interesting as the grades I got. Funny what an extra dozen or so years does to your mindset as a college student. I think I have my priorites right this time round.

Oh, I just remembered what I was thinking of that rallied to me to get out of bed to blog. Tonight after Mason went poop he bent over for me to check if his butt needed wiping (it didn't) so when I declared he was good to go he ran out of the bathroom. Just then I looked over a BT who ALWAYS watches Mason on the loo and BT was bending over, touching his toes, so that I could wipe his butt too. In his diaper and pajama's he was bent over just like Mason (God he adores and idolizes his brother) and I just thought he was being so cute. He has done this before and it always makes me laugh. I checked his butt (to make him happy) and declared him good to go too and he raced out to find Mason. It is moments like this that I need to remember when I am feeling like pulling my hair out. :)